1. You believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.
2. You want to slug the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
3. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
4. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
5. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
6. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
7. You have no social life between August and June.
8. Marking all A's on report cards would make your life SO much easier.
9. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
10. You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
11. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge".
12. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.
13. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
14. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
15. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says, "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
16. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
The Owl
Each evening, birdlover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl. One night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." Then it dawned on them.
God Lives Within Us
One day on the way home from church a little girl turned to her mother and said, "Mommy, the Preacher's sermon this morning confused me." The mother said, "Oh! Why is that?" The girl replied, "Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?" "Yes, that's true," the mother replied. "He also said that God lives within us. Is that true too?" Again the mother replied, "Yes." "Well," said the girl. "If God is bigger than us and he lives in us, wouldn't He show through?"
All I Need To Know About Life, I Learned From A Cow
All I Need To Know About Life, I Learned From A Cow...
Wake up in a happy mooo-d.
Don't cry over spilled milk.
When chewing your cud, remember: There's no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!
The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.
Seize every opportunity and milk it for all it's worth!
It's better to be seen and not herd.
Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.
Never take any bull from anybody.
Always let them know who's the bossy.
Stepping on cowpies brings good luck.
Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement
